Abuse is the use of, or the threat to use, physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, psychological, or financial means by a person to force or coerce another person into doing something that he/she wants him/her to do, or to maintain his/her control in the relationship.

Physical Abuse - Any forceful or violent behavior.
Examples: slapping...punching...kicking...spanking...pinching...pushing...shoving... wrestling...biting...choking...using a weapon (stick, knife, belt, gun, spoon, rope, etc...) scratching...grabbing...burning...hair pulling...restraining...forcing someone to stay awake...

Emotional Abuse - Any abuse that attacks someone's self-esteem and definitions of who they are. It is important to note that emotional abuse is almost always a part of a relationship when other types of abuse are present.
Examples: laughing at him/her...silent treatment...accusation...negative messages...blaming him/her for everything...withholding affection...not treating him/her well in front of others...

Verbal Abuse - Any type of verbal assault.
Examples: name calling (slut, whore, fat, crazy, ugly, etc.)...other insults...belittling...

Sexual Abuse - Any non-consensual sexual act or behavior.
Examples: Forcing sexual activity when: she indicates "No" and her limit is not respected...she is sleeping...she is drunk or high and is unable to say "No"...she is not asked...she is afraid to say "No"...she is forced to watch him masturbate...forced oral sex...obscene phone calls...physically attacking sexual parts of her body (breasts, buttocks, any unwanted touch)...sexual assault with objects

Economic Abuse - The use of finances in a relationship, where financial equality is not the goal, rather it is the financial control of one person over another. Often this control becomes coercive.
Examples: Denying basic necessities (adequate food, clothing, medication, etc.)...giving him/her an "allowance"...him/her having to ask his/her partner for even small expenses...he/she has no financial freedom...he/she spends most of the income him/herself (drinking, drugs, gambling) rather than paying bills (i.e. rent)...

Psychological Abuse - Any abuse where there is the threat of violence. Psychological abuse involves fear, hurt, and degradation.
Examples: threats of violence...threats to use a weapon...threatening suicide...slamming doors...threatening and/or harming pets...punching walls...destroying possessions...extreme jealousy of him/her...isolating him/her...using size to intimidate him/her...monitoring his/her conversations...

• Approximately 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women.
• Every 9 seconds, a woman is battered.
• More than 50% of all women will experience some form of violence from their spouses during marriage, more than 1/3 are battered repeatedly every year.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages 15 and 44 in the United States; more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
• 50% of all homeless women and children in this country are fleeing domestic violence.
• Domestic violence ranks as one of the nation's most expensive health problems.
• There are nearly 3 times as many animal shelters in the U.S. as there are shelters for battered women and their children.

Myth: Domestic violence only happens to poor people or minorities.
Fact: Abuse happens in every sort of family, regardless of race, economic background, religion, or educational level.

Myth: Wife beating is caused by alcohol abuse.
Fact: While there is high involvement of alcoholism and/or drug abuse in marital violence (estimates range from 50% - 80%), substance abuse alone does not cause the violence. Rather, it facilitates the violence and is often times seen as excusing the violence: "I couldn't help myself, I was drunk" or "I didn't know what I was doing." Where there is a problem with drugs or alcohol, it needs to be recognized and treated separately, but concurrently, if the violence is to be eliminated.

Myth: The victim "makes the partner hit them" by "getting in their face." They "ask for it."
Fact: Every relationship has arguments and stress, but most people don't hit others when they get angry. The abuser has no skills other than violence to deal with stress. Most victims are hit over little things or even beaten in their sleep.

Myth: It is easy for battered women to leave their abuser.
Fact: Women who leave their batterers are at a 75% greater risk of being killed than those who stay are.

Click here for reasons: Why Do Women Stay.

QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claming "I've never felt love like this by anyone." He pressures you for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

JEALOUSY: Extremely possessive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: Interrogates you intensely about whom you talked to and where you were, checks mileage on your car, keeps all the money; insists you ask for permission to go anywhere or do anything.

ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; deprives you of a phone or a car; tries to prevent you from holding a job.

BLAMES OTHER FOR PROLBLEMS: It's always someone else's fault - the boss, you - if anything goes wrong. Everyone is out to get him.

HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted. He'll rant about injustices that are just part of life.

CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things way beyond their ability, or teases them until they cry.

PLAYFUL USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; says he finds the idea of rape exciting.

VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes you or says cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names.

RIGID SEX ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet and loving to explosively violent in a matter of minutes.

PAST BATTERING: Admits hitting women in the past but says the situation caused it.

THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Makes statements such as, "I'll break your neck," then dismisses them with, "I didn't really mean it."

Please click here to see if your spouse/boyfriend may be abusive to you.

The object of our program is to prevent future abuse. We know from research and experience that abuse repeats itself and gets worse. We believe that the violence is not your fault and you neither cause, nor deserve it. Now is the time to plan what to do if there is future abuse. A safety plan gives you a way to protect yourself and your children, both by using personal and community resources and becoming aware of signs that usually precede your partner's abusive actions.

1. Decide now where you'll go, and how you will get there, for the next time your partner becomes violent. DO THIS, even if you don't think that there will be a next time.
2. Keep all your important documents in one secure place near an exit in your house or in a safe location outside of your home. Some documents that should be kept in a secure place; your driver's license, birth certificates, medical records, credit cards, identification cards, passports, Social Security cards, etc.
3. Have some money in a safe location for the day of your departure, including coins to make calls from a public phone.
4. Keep an extra set of car keys and extra clothing hidden outside your house in a safe location.
5. Prepare some small, easily carried bags for you and your children and keep it in a safe location.
6. If it is possible, tell someone you trust about the violence. Try to develop relationships with neighbors. Ask them to call the police if they hear any suspicious noises coming from your house. Tell someone you can trust of your plans when you decide to leave so that you may count on them.
7. Develop a special code word with your children, neighbors and friends that let them know that you need to get out now.
8. Do not try to fight back if he seems to be "building up," especially if he is drunk or high on drugs. Instead get out of the house. If you cannot leave safely, keep your back towards an open space and not backed up in a corner.
9. In an emergency, call 911 to ask the police for transportation to a safe place to discuss the possibility of an emergency protective order. Ask them to contact the Crisis Resource Center 218-634-3233.
10. Always remember: You do not deserve to be hit! Create a safety plan today to protect yourself and your family.

Click here to find a personal safety plan.

National Coalition for Battered Women

Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women

Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse

Minnesota Court Form
(Order for Protection, Harrassment Restraining Order, Etc)

~ALL SERVICES ARE FREE AND CONFIDENTIAL~

For more information on domestic violence call us at 218-634-3233, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.